As a Man Thinketh, So is He 12-30-9

Anderson, South Carolina

There is a towering story, nearly legendary in its way, of a tribe in Africa that had a profoundly unusual way of meting out punishment to the village miscreants. If a person was found to have violated the behavioral guidelines that contribute to the well being of the community at large, he or she was required to stand still in the center of the village, perhaps for days. All members of the community were required to make a visit to the ‘square’ and hurl their own words at the perpetrator. Unlike those of us living most anywhere else, rather than hurling spittle, epithets, tomatoes, or rocks, these immensely wise people hurled compliments. Compliments? Yes. Honest sincere factually based compliments.

It was an unwritten requirement that everyone come and tell the misbehaving individual of all the good things they could think of that he had ever done. Character strengths and positive aspects of personality were to be included as well as actual good deeds. Those coming were expected to dig into the depths of faded memories and pull up any and everything thing they could find positive to present to the one standing in the docket. In some cases, with well known individuals, this process could go on for several days. A litany of validation would wash over the ‘victim’. This story contains perhaps the most powerful example of empowerment that has ever been found in the annals of cultural anthropology.

Sadly, we so often become who we are told we are by those around us. The academic literature and police blotters of the world are replete with written evidence of how disempowering destructive words can destroy a person, reducing him to believing he is scum of the earth. People universally will behave and relate to those around them based on their own sense of self-esteem and respect. A multi-billion dollar pop-psychology industry exists to attempt to empower people to develop new beliefs about themselves.

Those of us that were raised in empowering ‘can do’ environments will turn out to be empowered ‘can do’ people. There is nothing more inspiring in the world to see than positive people with a sense of self -confidence that allows them to do challenging things most of us would never attempt. Examples of such are often seen in the athletic and entertainment worlds. Occasionally a ten-year old intellectual genius makes it into the world’s consciousness. Behind most of these wonders are parents who know the power of the spoken and written word.

Those of use who were raised in destructive violent alcoholic environments may spend our lifetimes doing nothing but trying to survive the next minute. The power of words is no more evident than when used to tear down the esteem of a hapless child. The childhood quip, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is perhaps the ultimate lie in the human experience. We who have broken bones know they eventually heal. Those of us that have been the targets of epithets and spittle know those searing inner wounds of the soul may never heal. In the long run verbal abuse is perhaps the equal or greater than physical abuse.

The African people are perhaps among the wisest people that have ever walked the earth. Reminding people of their goodness will give them pause to act out their shortcomings in the future. Along the same lines, if we treat people as trustworthy, they most often will rise to the occasion. Treat them as unreliable and suspect; they will usually give us what we expect.

My own experience with words is absolutely consistent with the African experience and the American experience. In our confrontational, conflicted, and competitive culture, words often are angry, barbed, and disempowering. Many, perhaps most, of my painful experiences in life have derived from words rather than stick and stones. The disruption to my serenity that has derived from hurdled epithets and pejoratives has at times been nothing less that staggering. Hurled words have cost me everything except physical life itself - careers, mountains of money, dreams, relationships, nearly everything. Even at present, I struggle with staying in the ostensibly safe haven of my church because of the ongoing surplus of verbal poison.

On the other hand, words can constitute a sublime gift of the highest order. There have been people gifted with the ability to transform my day with a single sentence sent to me over the Internet in 10 point courier type. A single sentence can validate a life message, a calling, a purpose, a sense of self. I have the grand fortune of having been the beneficiary of such words. There have been tiny little e-mails that have buoyed me up for weeks - simply because they contained powerful reminders that having someone out there believe in what I am doing matters almost more than anything at all.

The words of Mahatma Gandhi liberated 500 million Indians from colonial bondage. The words of Nelson Mandela delivered millions of South Africans from the tyranny of apartheid. The words of Winston Churchill reminded millions in their darkest night that victory was within reach. The words of Martin Luther King transformed the American South, bringing personhood to millions for the first time. The words of Jesus saved us from ourselves.

I think of the time years ago when a troubled young man from a broken family came up to my extension ladder while I was trimming trees on a gray January day. Without preamble, he proclaimed that he considered me his chosen father. I nearly fell to the ground, overwhelmed by the validating power of his words. I was no longer the eccentric bachelor to be avoided in a neighborhood of fearful families, rather instead a safe being who could show Hope to a tormented soul.

We each have it in our power to affirm those around us with our words - to make phone calls, to answer e-mail, to send cards, to whisper to our loved ones, to offer sincere compliments at every opportunity. Not unlike the fishes and loaves that fed five thousand on a Galilean hillside, we can give our words away in perpetuity and never run short of them. Like the widow in ancient times, we can share the last of our flour and oil with a stranger, yet never lack for ourselves.

Are we hurling black stones of sarcasm, gossip, slander, anger, tearing down and disrupting, or are we casting forth with radiant diamonds of praise, gratitude, solidarity, empowerment, vision? You decide.

All of us do many wrong things. But if you can control your tongue, you are mature and able to control your whole body. By putting a bit into the mouth of a horse, we can turn the horse in different directions. It takes strong winds to move a large sailing ship, but the captain uses only a small rudder to make it go in any direction. Our tongues are small too, and yet they brag about big things. It takes only a spark to start a forest fire! The tongue is like a spark. It is an evil power that dirties the rest of the body and sets a person's entire life on fire with flames that come from hell itself. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and sea creatures can be tamed and have been tamed. But our tongues get out of control. They are restless and evil, and always spreading deadly poison. My dear friends, with our tongues we speak both praises and curses. We praise our Lord and Father, and we curse people who were created to be like God, and this isn't right. James 3:2-9