The Magic of Aging 3-1-10

Anderson, South Carolina

Living in the American culture, in which aging is seen as a harsh diminishment of our personhood and something to be avoided at all costs, observing birthdays can be a mixed blessing. There is something objective, indisputable, and perhaps distasteful about marking off another year on one’s journey through our youth-oriented culture. In our society we tend to view older people with less honor and dignity than those in the prime of life. We don’t want to think of the inevitable outcomes of life.

In many other lands, birthdays are actually seen as blessings of the highest order. People of seniority are seen as having ever-increasing wisdom and stature among those of lesser years. Younger people will seek out their platinum-haired elders for counsel and advice. These elders readily accept the ultimate outcome of having lived. They understand that being born is a terminal event and part of the natural order of things.

I have a really good deal going here in our youth-oriented culture. My birthday celebrations have become progressively more creative and memorable, primarily because of the efforts of a dear friend I always refer to as MQ, short for Magic Queen. I started calling her Magic Queen because of the amazing way she has of improving the confidence and self-esteem in frightened at-risk school children. I am finding that she is actually doing the same things in me, yet I am nearly half a century past elementary school.

One of the ways she makes me feel like vintage wine that gets better with each year is to create surprise birthday observances for me. One year she simply invited a number of my favorite people to her house for dinner and then told me to show up. I entered a room overflowing with affirmation, seasoned with fine dining in the company of my best friends. This was cathartic and validating to someone that has often seen birthdays pass by unnoticed.

The next year MQ did something rather surreal and creative. She covertly managed to acquire my address book and e-mail directory and proceeded to create a virtual birthday party. Perhaps seventy-five people in these two sources were contacted and asked to send a card or letter with some kind of affirmation in it. I knew nothing of this until I showed up at the appointed time for dinner with MQ. Spread across the Queen Anne dining table were cards and small gifts from an assortment of people spanning the globe. The next hour or more was given to opening all of these beautiful cards and thoughtful gifts. I basked in the aureate light of the setting sun as well as the precious good wishes and love of people spanning the world and the past forty years of my life. It was truly an amazing experience to feel the presence of seventy-five people while dining with but one.

Two years ago the community theater was having one of its opening night receptions. MQ and I have attended many of these but this one had a good bit of magic tossed in. The reception following the play became a birthday party for me. MQ had managed to insert a very large birthday cake into the festivities. Suddenly, there really were seventy-five people dining with me, sharing cake and fine foods, laughing and enjoying life fully. It has always been a bit of mystery to me as to how MQ pulls off the logistics of such events. But one is not supposed to ask magicians how they do their tricks.

Last year’s birthday caper was even more devious. MQ manages to covertly figure out when I am going to be in large groups and insert decorated cakes into their midst. Last year was no exception. One of my ‘hobbies’ is building real houses for Habitat for Humanity. We build dreams for people that have forgotten how to dream. As it so happened, we were dedicating one of these houses on my birthday in another small city to the east of here. MQ managed to not only find out when this dedication was taking place but where. She also managed to find out who was in charge of the ceremonies. In ways, still murky to me, she managed to again arrange for the insertion of a grand cake into that crowd of fifty people at this dedication, which suddenly became yet another one of my happy markers of time.

I should point out that MQ is confined to a wheelchair and is unable to drive. What makes all of these magic tricks more impressive is that she had to do them all by remote control from her house. I was just eating a fine dinner at her table when she asked me about my upcoming birthday in four weeks. She asked me if I wanted her to keep her doings a surprise. I made certain that I wanted no advance intelligence on this action. The element of surprise can be truly delicious.

The illusion that our culture has gone down the tubes and isolated all of us has been shattered by the reality that love and friendship increase in value over time, as does good wine.