Celebrating the Light 2-8-13

Anderson, South Carolina

For those having passed through the dark night of the soul, there’s a form of darkness beyond articulation. Words cannot describe the vast depths of void to be found in a dysphoric soul as one frantically paces off the night, desperately waiting for the first edge of daylight to emerge. Hearing the first tease of bird song in the dark hours gives an illusion of hope that relief might come with the rising sun; so often relief is wanting. For those traversing the ebony night of addiction and alcoholism, time stands still; one is held in the tormenting stasis of utter despair. Insomnic nightmares consciously mock us with hopelessness.

My own dark night of the soul and those of my fellow travelers are not unlike near-death experiences. Those having faced into death as a result of traumatic injury or illness often describe finding dear ones travelling with them in spirit through tunnels towards bright light. Often overwhelmed with a profound sense of deep love, they often have no desire to return to this life. Those I’ve known to make this journey return to their broken diseased bodies radiant with courage, fearless, transformed into beings of great experience, strength, and hope.

No so long ago I was travelling by long boat on an alligator infested river in the jungles of Central America. After some hours we made landfall at an unmarked landing in the dense undergrowth coming down to water’s edge. Pushing our way through daunting clouds of giant mosquitoes, we came to ancient blocks of stone carpeted in dense moss. A small aperture in time-encrusted walls admitted us into dense darkness, punctuated only by the piercing sonar of bats. Stepping with trepidation, we trusted our guide to lead us forward safely into the timeless void. After some minutes we suddenly emerged into an emerald realm from another universe. Pyramids, grand plazas, inscripted stellea, archways, and orchids, took us to the threshold of eternity. Aghast at the overwhelming beauty before me, I knew I’d touched one of those sublime moments of life; shared with dearest friends. We had faced the unknown with each other, then coming into the light together, celebrating.

For those emerging from the darkness of addiction, coming into the light of new life is often almost too much to bear. The sense of overwhelm can be paralytic; emotions, colors, sounds attenuated to exaggerated levels. Playing Indiana Jones on alligator-infested rivers of equatorial forests is child’s play compare to the journeys of those intrepid souls embracing sobriety for perhaps the first time in their lives; a difficult journey nearly impossible to make alone.

For those of us having safely crossed over the stellar wastelands of addiction to the far shore, there simply is no greater joy in life than holding hands with lost souls and leading them out into the brilliance of life onto the grand plaza of sobriety. Radiant with wonder, when the agony and angst of soul sublimates in the warmth of new life, we see hope ignite in these once dark souls. The detonation of Joie de Vivre in our fellow travelers is intoxicating beyond the capacity of words to describe.

When coming out of those dark mosquito infested warrens shrouded in time into the brilliance of tropical sun, one feels a decompression, a release of amazing magnitude. The American architect Frank Lloyd Wright sought similar effect, creating tiny low passageways and entries into his houses, eventually leading into much larger spaces flooded with sunlight.

So it is for those of us coming into new life. As I first emerged from my own darkness years ago, I recall great envy of those who knew only prisons of concrete and steel. The psychic prison I found my soul in had no jailer, no keys. There seemed no possibility of my sentence being commuted. I dreaded the possibility I might live a normal life span in what seemed nothing more than endless self-absorbed years on death row.

As I was granted liberation from the death camps of addiction and self-absorption I’ve come to learn the only way to remain free is to give away what has been so freely given to me. Others, benevolent guides going before me, showed me the keys to freedom from the psychic hell of addictions in all its forms. Transcending all the wealth in the known world, it’s become my passion to take those very precious keys and give them to others stilled trapped in moldering cells of despair, walking with them through the mosquitoes of detox, withdrawal, the raw nakedness of emotions felt for the first time in decades.

I find myself weeping for joy, celebrating, holding hands with those taking their first tentative steps out of darkness into the brilliance of new life. Watching the claustrophobia, shame, despair, hopelessness, and agony of addiction give way to the hope, esteem, wonder, community, and passion of life in the spirit is nothing short of a peak life experience.

I just spent a rainy cold winter evening with eight celebrants of this new life of faith, intoxicated with their joy and wonder. Holding hands with them, offering prayers of gratitude for their safe journeys to the far shore of Faith, I make sure there are enough tissues to touch those happy tears.

Igniting a flame of hope in a darkened soul is the most brilliant thing you will ever do. Receiving a smile from such a soul is the greatest gift you will ever receive.

Blessings,


Craig C. Johnson